you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
