it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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