she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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