Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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