CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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