did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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