Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
