I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize