forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
