Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
