I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
