Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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