Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
