We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
