I'm lost and stupid without you.
i permit you to call me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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