You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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