Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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