Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
