Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
