Kiss
Puke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
