The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
