No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
