In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
