Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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