you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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