Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
