I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
