I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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