okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
