You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
