I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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