the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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