I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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