party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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