What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
