Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
