i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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