im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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