I wish I only lived at night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
