I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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