She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
