I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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