THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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