Is it because I queefed?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can I color on your dick again?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
