hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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