I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
