We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
