we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
