Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
