Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
