There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
