Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
