Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
