dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
