I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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