I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
