Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
