Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
