im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
