I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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