you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
