I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
